beloved listeners,

i am not saying there will never be another eat bird.

but i am saying that for now, you can find me regularly gabbing with madge weinstein here.

ex oh,
rachey

mama mia thassa lotta eights-a.

trannywreck

a trainwreck with me and andy and chris and madge eating yeast

the one month anniversaire of le eat le yeast - plus some hater comment about me being a ragan knockoff. but i am a GUY and ragan is a GIRL...so wtf??

here's my bday show with madge padge


Last night, sweet Christopher and I were calmly reflecting on the goodness and wonderfulness of my super-mellow perfect birthday.
Quite suddenly, Christopher began experiencing serious issues with his heartbeat, as well as lightheadedness and some other symptoms.
Before long, (around 12:15 a.m.,) we found ourselves in an ambulance rushing to the hospital, where we now remain.

Christopher is experiencing something called atrial fibrillation - basically the right atrium and left atrium are fluttering instead exhibiting a nice consistent beat. What can happen sometimes in this situation is that because the heart isn't squeezing nicely on each beat, a blood clot can form, and then when the heart does return to a nice healthy beat, that (potential, hypothetical, and currently non-existent) clot can travel into the brain, causing a stroke, or into other places in the body, essentially wreaking havoc in whatever organ it could land in.

Chris. Super-uber-healthy, reiki-practicing, non-smoking, organic food-eating, kind, generous, 41-year-old Chris, is in danger of having a stroke.

There is lots of good news:
1) because we got to the hospital so quickly after the onset, there was no permanent damage sustained by the heart.
2) if any clot were to form, this is where you would wanna be when it did happen. so far, no sign of anything like that.
3) despite all of this, Chris is in great spirits and is feeling much better physically than last night; he has color in his cheeks again, and is even laughing at my stupid jokes.
4) back to the good brisk timing...there is a 48 hour window within which you can perform a defibrillation and essentially "reset" the heartbeat.

So, as things stand now, Christopher is on intravenous and oral medications. They are basically in two categories: one category is to help regulate his heartbeat and return it to normal, and the other is to thin his blood, so that when it does return to normal, (which it totally will,) a clot will be exceedingly unlikely.

He is scheduled for defibrillation at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow. If this needs to happen, it'll be great, and exactly as things should be, and certainly will be just the "reset button" he needs.

BUT...here's where I could really use your help on the good vibe action...if his heartbeat returns to normal BEFORE 2:00 p.m. tomorrow, THEN...no harm, no foul, NO defibrillation necessary.

Just me, getting sweet Christopher home, and tucking him into his own bed, without a bunch of wires coming out of him.

This grows ever more important, as I refuse to get my big ass out of his tiny bed here in the hospital, insisting to all the nurses and doctors that I am not actually "his girlfriend," or "a guest," but "an inoperable growth" of his (...that talks and has hair and sneaks him contraband snacks from Real Food Daily.) This is growing more awkward with each passing moment and may soon result in my own admittance to the mental ward.

As most of you know, (it's hard not to notice this,) Chris is a healer of the highest order. There is nothing he loves more than sharing his reiki goodness with the world...even getting three of my friends on the table last night during the birthday festivities!

So I am thinking...
...if we all boomerang some of the high-octane love back at Mr. Beale in whatever way makes the most sense inside you:
send him some of that reiki goodness,
or pray some prayers,
or practice some meditations,
or cast a wiccan good-witch spell,
or even shout a "yeehaw!" at the big fat moon,
or let loose in the form of some "clap if you believe in fairies" applause,
or crank a Smiths song (a happy one, y'all, like, "is it really so strange?" or "sheila, take a bow" or something,)
or just imagine how cute he looked last night in his rainbow pinstripe jeans with a beer in one hand and a tibetan singing bowl in the other,
or shoot, whatever works for you...

...I am thinking...
...we could,
just with our love,
help gently nudge his big beautiful sweet heart back to its natural state of well-being and perfect knowing of its own rhythm,
obliterating the need for a violent jolt back to a steady beat.

Of course, if what is needed is a violent jolt, then that will be perfect.

But even if that does end up being the case, all those good vibes can only make everything that much better.

So that's about the shape of things...I am so grateful for the singular and unique blessing each of you are.

yeasty

ey 2 aka yr 860

that's me backstage at disney concert hall during the show last sunday. i attached an audio file of the piece i performed. most of you fuckers have prolly already heard it.

it's me performing with daKAH hip hop orchestra, led by the brilliant GG. Fanny Franklin is singing. the song is written by parliament. the string section under my poem is composed by GG himself.

those adorable men i am with are DJ JEDI and DJ LYNK - my two co-lab:ORATION djs. they're also djs for daKAH, so it was like a crazy juicy lovefest for all of us backstage and i took that picture on my celly for you.

listen...i love you guys SOOOOO much i just can not fucking express it. i think doing this podcast with madge is gonna help me heal and get to a place where i can just record podcasts by myself again. i am feeling better and stronger every day.

except for the fact that - i swear to christ, no joke - i had a MASSIVE fucking car accident yesterday, which, believe it or not, wasn't my fault!

i am fine, and the girl driving the other car is fine. i mean i am banged up pretty good, and the seatbelt almost amputated my right boob, but still...it was bad. my car is totaled. there was gasoline pouring out. so really...i feel lucky my teeth are not splattered all over wilshire blvd...you know?

life is crazy, and there is so much crazy shit to share just about that, and other shit, that i am feeling like maybe i can podcast soon and not feel so sad.

and why the fuck won't itunes list eat bird? does anyone know? i have requested like 40 times now.

there's lot's more shit to tell.

can you believe how short my hair is?

i love and appreciate you all so much it's fucking unspeakable. chris watches me get all choked up and shit when i talk about you guys or just read your comments.

ex oh ex oh ex oh

eat yeast #1 (aka YR858) is underway... posted at http://yeastradio.com

enjoy the train wreck.

i love you guys soooo much.

shanny...so sorry you are going through it. i send you so much love and light girl...

in kansas???

send me your snail mail addy back channel s'il vous plait.

yoyoyoyoyooooooo. hey y'all...it's time for a revolution. i love you all so much, and i miss you all so much. even you haters. i love you. but i love the lovers more. anyhoo, the point...the POINT is, every time i go to record an eat bird, i get so depressed about estrangement that i wanna go pee and then wipe with sandpaper. or stab a fork in my thigh. or something like that.

so my options? self abuse or avoid podcasting.

FUCK ALL THAT.

welcome to the new plan.

once a week, madge and i will be podcasting together.

eat yeast, y'all.

also, seriously...
come see me at disney concert hall FOR FREE this sunday.
i'm performing at 3:30 p.m. in the SECOND daKAH set. dude. daKAH. 70 piece hip hop orchestra. holler.

love you guys. miss you guys. scared to read comments.

shlomy is back in the muthafuckin' house. and then a mashup i did of saul williams and depeche mode.

hi stupes. PUCK YOU MISS ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD? yes i am. that is a photo of me with my collage of fats waller hanging in the one time i had my stuff hanging in a gallery ever. thus far. i actually put some glitter on it and fixed the weird cloud halo thing above his head. it looks stupid here. now it looks like a golden sunflower regal halo. much awesomer.

this shit is lame.

i'm just back, bitches. thass' all. and i worship shanny and gemmers.

me and my friend laurie are fustta-ing it up for you.

eat buuuuuurrrrrrrd.

i love you gemma, thank you for the love and the timtams and the dvd. and shanny. and michelle. and lauren. and dirk. and all of you. this show sux. but it exists. more soon. no intro song, no nothing. but it will get better. as will i. funny soon. xoxo. you can see me on merrillwood on thestream.tv too. xoxo. photo by terence patrick.

lits ladie's night, bitches. that guy is vito. bask in the love of aldra and stacey. aldra's blog: http://demandra.blogspot.com/
...staceys blog: shit, you have to get INVITED
...post a comment if u wanna be invited and she will hook it up.

michelle, we read your email about performing and just go on a navel gazing bender of performance philosophy. interesting if you are into this kind of thing, or wait tables. its a behemoth at over an hour of blathering. i don't have any more pics of me and rachey together which is wacker than anything, but she did take this picture of my fat ass hanging out of my target stretch pants at iWPS, so that's pretty fucking germaine. and jake is here too. this concludes the doublerachel cycle. for now. HOLLER. http://myspace.com/butchergirl and http://myspace.com/rachelkann

well, yeah, here ya go shanny et al. poop fustta with 2 rachels and one jacob. where's noah to take us away? anyhoo, thanks to gemma for the surprise treat at the end. and email me at rachelkann @ gmail.com for books, or just pick one up at http://myspace.com/rachelkann - hey, i love you guys.

meet my fucking HOMEGIRL rachey. check out her poetry at http://myspace.com/butchergirl and please...you can buy my book, "10 for everything,"  at http://myspace.com/rachelkann and if you need more convincing, check out  my story from the book, "disappearing" at http://kotorimag.com and download the mag. the story is on page 14. i love kotori. i love wasim who IS kotori. i love rachey. and i love you.

meet stacey jones http://www.myspace.com/staceyejones this is her with a baby sister who presumably got a beat down or two...stacey is a big sis who runs a tight ship...like me...RAHSPECK! i love her - also, finally u can hear sole...in the background xoxo

you ask, i deliv. by the way, its "quivers: a life" and gilda's is called "it's always some- thing"

pray for me bitches, pray for me.

xoxo

podcast ambush on stupie! you ask for gyno, i deliver. with time o' da seazin by da zombies, suavemente by elvis crespo, pentacostal preacher joyce meyer, and the sole file got jacked so check out "the priziest horse" from his album selling live water.

am i a dork? yes. i did it for you sylvia. for YOU.

special bonus track at the end blast from the past styles cover of "when doves cry" from romeo + juliet by quindon tarver fuck yeah player

this is called "the way back." hollerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

waddya know? a podcast.

hi sillies...me and jeff spector lalala...links mentioned in the show: MY FRIEND UMA: erik patterson's amazing blog - http://myyearofnewthings.blogspot.com If you want to help out with Uma's medical expenses (she only has the most basic health insurance and it doesn't cover any sort of long-term care or rehabilitation), you can find out how to donate money via paypal by going here: http://teamuma.blogspot.com/2007/02/if-youd-like-to-help.html If you want to participate in National Vandalize the World for Uma Day, read this: http://myyearofnewthings.blogspot.com/2007/02/national-vandalize-world-for-uma-day.html And check out these Uma Graffitti Photos: http://myyearofnewthings.blogspot.com/2007/02/national-vandalize-world-for-uma-day_06.html And these: http://myyearofnewthings.blogspot.com/2007/02/more-vandalization-for-uma.html To see photos of Uma, check out her myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/umanithipalan also, to check out my film short nonhuman resources: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abV9fTHZhGA&mode=user&search= i love you all, ridiculously.

good christ. enjoy dysfunction junction. me and robert are basically too too real. we love you guys, almost as much as we love each other. our valentine's day gift to you: that soothing feeling that comes from knowing that no matter how wacky your valentine's day was...hey! at least you're not us. also, www.myspace.com/sony_film_festival

this show is me talking to some very old friends. art by VJ! xo, rachey

so you guys...enjoy my short story "angle of repose" (soon to appear in the new literary journal: gatsby magazine!) performed by me and senor rawlinson. plus - we have the musical highlights from the story at the end of the show..."suavemente" by elvis crespo, "little 15" by depeche mode, and "colors" by ice-t...also...blueballs, real or myth? a surprising opinion from robert...your thoughts? and one more thought...are you a rad hair artiste? let a sistah know! xoxo rachey p.s...that is a random pic of robert talking to a random man on a random bench when he got bored of waiting for me in a random store. random photo taken by stalkerazzi lois kann. can you tell we are hurting for new pics like whoa?

this is just kinda some extra material i recorded with robert after 52 when he thought i stopped recording...but i didn't! haha! its whatever...but the mel brooks and marlo thomas skit from free to be you and me at the end is pretty fucking brilliant! i LOVE free to be you and me! + at the end, "don't go breakin' my heart by captain and tenille and "it's alright to cry" from FTBYAM

that pic is me and robert in front of morro rock...the place where i lost my virg! my mom took this stalkerazzi pic, i don't think she knew the historical impact of the locale. classic! we rock some free to be you and me and introduce you to the scary folks who live in our head. enjoy! ex to da muthatruckin' oh oh oh.

its way raw. we do it for you. rachel and robert. raw.

yeah, so usually 49 comes before 50, but i am not usual. this contains the ballad of me n ragan, robert and me being way tard, and kirsty rock doing paranoid android, which is the SHIT. ex oh, players.

there he is...robert! tada! so, yeah, i skipped 49. i have it. we'll see about that one. this is me and robert being mondo tardos. go check his new shit out at http://brainwashedfashion.com and check out my videos and an article about me here: http://getunderground.com/underground/features/article.cfm?Article_ID=2011 and a review here, if ya wanna... http://poeticdiversity.org/main/columns.php?recordID=995&date=2006-11-01 and the bombass track at the end is from radiodread...citizen cope covering karma police. the album is the shit! its ok computer all done by reggae bands! and i don't even super love reggae OR radiohead...i appreciate them, but ya know, anyway...this is the SHIT! i really love you guys more than you could ever know.

that's justin cox who i recorded an HOUR LONG ep with. and then i edited it. and then i was about to post it. and then audacity crashed. and i lost all but 6 minutes. i worked on it for HOURS. god damn it. i love u guys. fuck. getunderground.com whatever

u guys, i swear, i love u sooooooo much. new track, new short story, a commitment. and downsy the dog is just rad. here's the link to the video i mention: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSeTfDldGb0

you drivin' me dog-gone crazy.

finally! ragan and rachey are in the same place at the same time, and right when i try to tell him about the neighbor story, guess who shows up? don't forget to vote for fox and the city for the podcast awards! see onfo in post below. plus, come to the show sunday if you are in LA...tom of finland art will be hanging on the wall! visit myspace.com/rachelkann for more info and visit myspace.com/brainwashedfashion to cop a bombass tshirt from robert. but seriously, first? go vote for ragan. the last ten minutes got fucked up and cut off. i am SO bummed. i don't know why or how. they were really funny. sorry. xoxo

hi sillies. watch the sweet sun rise with a sleep deprived rachey. its a hallucinatory event with two short stories: "do it all the time" and "wesley" and some ill ass musical influences like whoa. email inspirachel@hotmail.com to pick up a copy of the new book. ex to the muthatruckin' oh.

A tired bottom and fierce diva: 2 Los Angelinos kickin' it.

so its just me, rachey...ragan is moving in to his CUTE NEW PLACE and has an ep ready to post once his dsl is hooked up in the next day or 2...so i thought in the meantime i would have STORY HOUR! i read one of my fiction pieces, its called "the historian". i also play my new track produced by steven davis. its the poem i wrote for gussie's funeral with beats, we recorded it on hollywood pride day. and that snazzy photo is by greg frederick of qr magazine! http://gregfrederick.com and also...please come to my show july 13th at elixir on melrose...details at http://myspace.com/rachelkann HAPPY 4TH of JEW LIE...please don't drink and drtive

artwork by VJ aka vietjohn. "the mindy nettifee song" by rick lupert. mindy nettifee by mindy nettifee's mom and dad. margaritas by fiesta cantina. beatboxing by satan. passionate love cocreation by ragan fox and rachel kann. ENJOY!

kismet

LA Livin' and Mamma Drama

Rachey and Ragan pontificate in the same city. Be sure to check out our mad skillz at the end, where we freestyle some shizzy rap battle snizz.

madge is a crazy lesbian jew

All fried chicken eaters, you best listen.

duh. its ragan. what more do you need to know? ok, we also talk about man boy love. duh! just listen!

its the end of the night...emergen-v shots abound...i finally tell the whole darn story of my love life's travails...for those who want to know. speccy passes out because i tell such long stories...and because of the emergen-v...i catch him snoring and record it...more ice-t chat.

join 2 live jew as we discuss only the latest and most cutting edge high art. like ice-t's thrash band, "body count", depeche mode, my exes and "crash" the movie.

meet one of my favey people on the planet: SPECCY LA JEW aka jeff spector. i make him drink my new lab experiment and the hijinks ensue from there...look at that picture of us from in 2000...are we too cute? its from his christmas party with rhino records.

the night continues, we continue to b.s. and pontificate. by the way, http://myspace.com/dakah and http://myspace.com/dopus1 for the g man himself.

hi everyone! its me, rachey. i got the computer all laced up, finally...have a listen to me chatting with GG, the conductor from the epic-proportioned DaKah Hip Hop Orchestra.

today is the DAY...just found out the tyra show - (which is really just an infomercial for the bunny ranch) - airs today! please watch and YOU be the judge, cuz i missed it. and PLEASE someone record it for me if you can. FIRED UP Y'ALL!! love u guys...(if you dunno what i am talking about, see below, the ep labeled "tyra did me wrong, y'all")

i am so grateful to you. on behalf of richard, madge, juan, gussie, ragan, and myself, i lay myself prostrate before you. eternal thanks.

EMERGENCY: PLEASE HELP ME & RACHEL GET TO JUAN’S FUNERAL. GO TO http://hometown.aol.com/utcooper/ragan.html to donate funds. ONCE YOU GET TO THE PAGE, CLICK ON THE PAYPAL LINK AT THE BOTTOM. If you have any questions, please listen to the latest Eat Bird or Fox and the City (which will be posted by 2:15 a.m. Pacific, 2/12).

yes you all...you have to listen to believe it. the sound quality sux, but please bear with it. this shit is IMPORTANT! be soldiers for me...help me spread this far and wide until oprah catches wind and brings us on...or at the very least the EXECS at the TYRA BANKS SHOW see the error of their foolish ways. my lovely and kickass guests are KATHRYN XIAN and ANNIE FUKUSHIMA. visit girlfestbayarea.org and girlfesthawaii.org.

its a shivaree of an eat bird when shlomo sher of http://www.getunderground.com joins rachel and ragan for a jewy trifecta! that's shlomo w/ rachel in the pic, wearing his homemade rachel kann poetry quote tshirt(tm). so yeah...PODCAST! we mostly talk about Brokeback Mountain(tm) brand snack foods. shlomo's mic SUCKED, so please forgive the crackling, i put every filter and effect i could on his vocals, and believe me, the scary part is, it sounds way better now. PLUS...a RAD cover of fiona apple's "sleep to dream" by hotty bettye lavette, and "the hollow cost" by rachel. ugh. EAT BIRD LOVES YOU SO MUCH. wanna hug and squeeze you, they do.

Finally, we're back and better than evs! On fire! Ouch! Scorch! Sizzle (and not in the Snoop Dizzle way)!

Rachel is diff'rent, so Ragan had to correct the problem with EB 15. Given that Rapechel has tried 152 times to post it (bitch can't work FTP), I'm going to go ahead and call this shit EB 19.

Featuring Paulina Berznakova! Great episode!!! Visit fan forums via raganfox.com.

oy vey!!

everybody here gettin' outta cunt-roll. **enjoy the pic of beefcake and tom doing their wedding striptease a'la the kama lee story from ep 11. officially, its the grand prize for erik (and adam b + peter)

ragan fainted so its an o-solo-rach-o show. i answer listener questions, give advice, and talk about my husband, trent reznor. GO VOTE AT PODCAST ALLEY! http://podcastalley.com/one_vote2.php?pod_id=10661 and head on over to http://www.eatthishotshow.com to hear me guest on episode 19. at then end, check out 1) a live recording of my poem "titular" 2) "piggy" by nin, remix by rick rubin 3) "see you" by depressed mood *also, sorry about the clinking noises, i was playing with a bracelet.

Fried fish platter.

thanks-drunkenness

on the way to san luis

wherein rachel and ragan discuss the podcast expo, super glue, madge-ina, and losing their virg. album art by tigger. final track from "DaKah: live at California Plaza 7/04". l.a. peeps, rachel has a poetry show on wednesday. info at inspirachel.com or myspace.com/rachelkann - vote at podcastalley.com if you haven't yet. THANKS and LOVE. xoxo

meet our new mascot, downsy! what other podcast has a mascot, i ask you? big ups to tara! we finally get around to fingering...a little...hear about our sexy photo shoot in LA and ragan's captivating and engaging teaching skills. special depeche mode moment at the end. SEND YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING to mail@inspirachel.com and i will answer them on the next EB ep.

ask around in the forums for this episode. it was only up for two days. now, it's gone.

vote for eatbird! go here: http://podcastalley.com/one_vote2.php?pod_id=10661 ...we discuss sex noises, oprah's crazy wigs, our listener party & more. at the end of the show...top secret info, bronski beat, new rachey track...ok, go vote for eat bird. and seriously...THANK YOU. we love you crazily. *album art by the mysterious tigger.

hard core long form clogged pores--SHANGHAI SURPRISE, hookers! rachel rodent took over this show and the shit is most atrocious...LISTENER PARTY LISTENER PARTY LISTENER PARTY! this sunday! oct 30th! 1pm! the abbey! weho! y'all GOTS to know. post any questions here and i will answer. swear. album art by laura. thx!

Dogs can be a bitch. Vote for us at PodcastAlley.com.

bio juice, baby

a c-o-o-l r-i-d-e-BIRD!

opening track part 1 from "fight me" by rachel kann produced by stephen davis

Same show as Fox and the City 99. Rachel and Ragan talk about Anna Nicole and Shirely Temple African-American.

On the way to San Luis.

on the way to san luis

a very musical thanks-drunken-ness

oy vey

oy vey